Reverend Frog’s Crap Product Catalogue

Make Your Own Sandwich magazine

A fascinating journey into self-sufficient nourishment, delivered in 104 scintillating weekly issues. Introductory issue only £1.99* and contains your very own sachet of yeast!

*£249.99 thereafter. Purchase of Issue One constitutes binding agreement to purchase other 103 issues via direct debit.  Final issue, containing smear of margarine, delivered February 2017. Sandwich fillings charged at extra cost.

Other titles in the series

  • Build your Own Spade
  • Home Taxidermy for Small to Medium Animals
  • Drink Yourself into Alcohol Dependency


Pensioners! Garden immaculate? Pondering the futility of life? Want to escape the wife for hours on end, listen to Radio 4 in your shed and drink tea?

Sign up today for Weeds-be-Here!, the weed planting kit sure to give you endless hours of backbreaking labour! Guaranteed to spread like wildfire, our weed kit contains twelve of the UK’s most common horticultural horrors, meaning you’ll never have time to speak to your spouse again!

*Special offer – buy a dandelion and get two clumps of crabweed for the price of one!

Dry-Eye Drops

Unemployed? Missing being part of society? Return to the misery of the daily grind with Dry-Eye Drops, the office environment recreation system. One application and you’ll feel like you’ve spent the last eight hours squinting at a computer screen in an unnaturally lit environment. Irritation, double vision and headaches guaranteed!

Anti-spell check

Concerned your immaculate spelling makes you look like a posh twat? Want to fit in with the lads? You’ll never send a proper email again with Spell-No-More, the al in wun aunty-speling solushun. Become an uneducated simpleton overnight!

Man housework kit

Date this evening? Forgotten yourself and cleaned the house beforehand? Make sure you don’t give her the wrong idea about your sexuality with the ‘Man Bag’. Simply pull the drawstring and a cocktail of dust, pubic hair and fluff will descend on your apartment, restoring your reputation as a red-blooded, vacuum-dodging man’s man.

From the people who brought you…

Accelerate the spoilage of food you never wanted to eat in the first place with the Hot Fridge.

Klutzes – fed up with demonstrating your appalling coordination in public? You need The Ingrowing Toenail Cultivator – never take part in organised games again!

Fed up with small talk, chit-chat and pointless patter? Send your conversational partner packing with the Bad Breath Spray, available in the following scents:

  • Freeze-dried coffee
  • Cheese and onion
  • Old beer
  • Shit